Ruth: More gambling? Report is a sure thing

Here’s an offer the Florida Legislature can’t refuse. The Founding Moochers in Tallahassee have decided to pay $400,000 to a New Jersey company, Spectrum Gaming Group, for a term paper to determine the efficacy of expanded gambling in Florida.

Ruth: More gambling? Report is a sure thing

By Daniel Ruth

Tampa Bay Times

April 22, 2013

Here’s an offer the Florida Legislature can’t refuse.

The Founding Moochers in Tallahassee have decided to pay $400,000 to a New Jersey company, Spectrum Gaming Group, for a term paper to determine the efficacy of expanded gambling in Florida.

Now what do you think the Spectrum Gaming Group of New Jersey is going to conclude after it analyzes, studies, dissects and chin-rubs its way through flow charts, statistics, graphs and focus groups?

I’m willing to go out on a limb and suggest that the Spectrum Gaming Group of New Jersey will conclude that expanded gambling in Florida would be the cat’s pajamas wrapped in a warm puppy inside a royal flush.

So in the interest of saving the fine taxpayers some money and the Florida Legislature some time much better spent treating Medicaid recipients as socialist lepers, here’s an offer to House Speaker Will Weatherford, R-Get Those Poor People Off My Lawn! and Senate President Don Gaetz, R-At Least I’m Not Mike Haridopolos.

Since you gentlemen are willing to spend $400,000 to hear what you want to hear, how about this: Expanding gambling in Florida is simply a wonderful thing that will bring peace to mankind and pave our roadways in gold as Florida realizes its full utopian paradise potential.

Please send me a check for $200,000.

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